Episode 6: First time Celebrating Our Birthdays Together.

Note to Readers: I would like to apologize for not posting for a while. To be transparent, I am still going through court proceedings that are directly related to the abuser here in my blog. If you stick with me, you’ll eventually find out about it in later episodes.

One of the days I always look forward to every year is my birthday. I always believed it was a special day to celebrate the day you arrived into this world. And if I was in a relationship or dating someone, I always loved celebrating Valentine’s Day. The funny part about this relationship is that my abuser’s birthday is on Valentine’s Day. We’re about three years and three weeks apart. Weird, huh?

My 29th Birthday.

This was my first birthday I celebrated while in the relationship with my abuser. It was still early on in the relationship but there was a lot of arguing. I thought they were differences we still needed to figure out especially after moving in together. I didn’t know what to do so he pretty much planned it. We smoked, I chose Cheesecake Factory for dinner and he wanted to go Go Kart racing (the ones that can go up to 60 mph).

Sadly, dinner consisted of ordering food, eating and watching him watch sports highlights on his phone. When we got our meals, he finished eating extremely fast and rushed me because he couldn’t wait to go Go Kart racing. When we got home, we took a picture for a birthday post on Instagram. It was the very first picture we took together that was publicly displayed.

His 32nd Birthday, aka Valentine’s Day.

I requested this day off to spend with him. How could I not especially since it was a double set of firsts in our relationship? What happened instead was a huge argument. He was so upset that I did not discuss any birthday plans with him beforehand because he hated surprises. I recalled him telling me that once which was on our first date. I completely forgot and had to improvise so that things wouldn’t get worse for me but nothing I did or said mattered because it was too late.

I gave him a set of plans I had and he found everything in the world wrong with every one of them and shut it down. I spent the day completely crying and devastated that I had wasted the day away in tears.

After his birthday disaster, he spent a few days letting me know exactly how pissed off he was. He explicitly told me that he was not the romantic type. I was not to expect any type of flowers—ever—and going on dates was a waste of time. He liked things to be cut and clear, no surprises. What he says goes, no questions asked because he was king of the home. And I also learned how loud he could get yelling at me and how long he could go with the silent treatment. I was slowly starting to realize how screwed I was going further in. Part of me was scared, but part of me thought I had no choice because I was stuck.

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