Episode 7: First Physical Encounter.

I had been completely and emotionally drained. What he had said to me on Valentine’s Day about his word being law, my spirit wasn’t as bright as it used to be. I came to terms that even if he was wrong, he was never going to admit it. He didn’t even know how to give a proper apology let alone say thank you for things I did for him or gave to him.

He picked me up from work and we were having an argument as usual. I couldn’t tell you what the argument was about. There was so much arguing that it didn’t really matter because it was always about something very insignificant, complaining about what I was doing wrong (which was pretty much everything) and just plain nothing. If you can imagine a scene about what couples argue about or even about an irrational issue, we’d probably argued about it.

Calling It Quits.

It escalated even more when we got home and I was fed up with everything. I finally told him that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I wanted the keys to my car back. I wanted out, I wanted us to be done, I didn’t want us anymore. I knew it wasn’t normal to be in a relationship the way we were in. There was just no way.

I asked him for my car key so I could leave to get away from there. And what did he do? Grabbed me, pushed me out through the front and locked it. I climbed on to the balcony and he proceeded to close and lock it. I kept banging and screaming and I guess he didn’t want the neighbors to hear so he opened it telling me to calm down.

Broken Furniture.

He went into the bedroom and locked the door. I kept banging on the door so I could get my keys. I just wanted to leave. He got so tired of it that he came out and started pushing me towards the wall and smashed me into furniture. My small bookshelf was broken, my Cricuit machine smashed into pieces and my Target shelf cracked and unstable.

I was in shock. I remember asking him “WTF is wrong with you? How dare you f*cking touch me? I can’t believe you f*cking put your hands on me!” He seemed to be in shock too, at least that’s what it looked like. He ended up on the floor and started crying. I later realized that it was a tactic he used to start grooming me into his more abusive state, a kind of manipulative method. He left the house for a good couple of hours and I hadn’t heard from him. I went into the room to start packing my suitcase.

My Fault.

When he came back, it was dark out. He saw me packing my stuff and he asked if I was leaving. I told him that a relationship was not supposed to be like this. I find myself consistently crying and always looking for his approval for everything I did. I wasn’t happy and he was always assuming I was someone that I was not, making me seem weaker that the actual person I was. I knew I was way better than who he portrayed me to be. I just couldn’t get why he refused to see that instead of placing me in the shoes of all his past female issues.

He slept on the couch that night. I went to work the next morning—I drove myself. Later during the day, I get text messages about if we were going to be together or not. He was confused at what was going on and that he was hurt from all the things I said and the fact that my anger and control issues were out of hand. He blamed me for all the broken furniture and the that I was crazy, lashing out like I did. He didn’t acknowledge or take responsibility for any of the things he did. It was all my fault.

I was so confused that I literally had to sit back and think about every single thing that happened. Was it me? Did I overreact? Did I push him to his limits? Did I piss him off that bad for him to get physical? When I got home, he had manipulated the situation even more by getting upset with me. He was using his perception of what happened and turning it against me. I soon found myself feeling so bad as if it were truly my fault. I was so emotionally drained and exhausted that his gaslighting and manipulative tactics were now in full effect. I was under complete manipulation.

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